It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
