'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
