he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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