I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
