He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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