guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
