They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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