Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
