In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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