I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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