i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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