I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
