wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
