I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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