You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
