I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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