if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
