You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
