then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and you fell through a lawn chair
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
