she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
