so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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