I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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