god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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