Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
