At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
