I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
