I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
