Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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