anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
