There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
