Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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