I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
