she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
