hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
