Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize