Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will pee on everything he values.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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