I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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