My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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