I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
