her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
