Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
