wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
