he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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