dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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