thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
