We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
