If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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