So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
