definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize