I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My hand turned me down
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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