mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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