you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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