I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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