it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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