totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
