So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
