Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
