Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
