its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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