Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
