its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
