I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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