3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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