I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Small penises have feelings too.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
