Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
