Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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