He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do herpes really smell.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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