i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
