I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
