what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
