Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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