I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
