So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love you. Go after that dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
