I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
