remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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