Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
