I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize